It's been over three years now, I want my life back.

Seriously, Damon. Enough's enough now. I've been infatuated with you for over three years and you're not helping things at all by getting better looking all the time and saying dreamy things in interviews and staying humble and continuing to make every song you're in better than it has any right to be.

What's your deal, Sir?

When are you going to O.D. on meth and murder some kittens so I can get over you, huh? I haven't got all life, you know.

I thought the fact that your left front tooth was punched out would change how I felt about you, but then you got a sexy gold tooth and I was back at square one. Way to blow it.

*sigh*

I though 2009 would bring some relief for me. Psh, what a joke. You went and announced a Blur reunion! Well, that just didn't help at all because I got my hopes all up that you might do a world tour. So far you've only announced UK dates. What the hell is that about??? It's not fair.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's going to take the kitten thing. Thanks for trying though. You're a peach.